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there, stroking the back of Ben’s hand with his fingers. “Doctor’s
orders,” he said with a smile.
“Not really a fan of doctors,” Ben said quietly.
Jasper’s fingers tensed against Ben’s hand for a moment then
pulled away. Jasper ran his hands through his hair as he retreated to
the bed, collapsing across it. He blew out a long sigh that only served
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to enflame the guilt Ben was already feeling. Ben crossed the room to
lie down next to him. He stroked a hand across Jasper’s forehead,
brushing a dark strand of hair out of his face. Small lines of
exhaustion were etched around Jasper’s eyes, and he closed them
gratefully at the touch of Ben’s fingertips. He certainly wasn’t
sleeping on Ben’s schedule—that much was certain from the fact that
they hadn’t shared any more dreams, but Ben was beginning to
wonder how much Jasper had slept at all in the weeks since that last
fateful nightmare. He looked exhausted.
Ben pursed his lips. “I’m sorry I said that. I shouldn’t have—”
“It’s fine. Stop feeling so guilty.”
“But it’s not fair,” Ben said firmly. “You worked so hard on this,
and I know it’s because you want things to get better, or normal, or
whatever. Anyway, I’m going to take it. I just…need a minute.”
Ben glanced at the pill in his hand again. The second his eyes
settled on it, that same sick uneasiness slid back into his stomach
again, and his mouth closed shut like a steel trap, as if bracing itself to
ward off the unwelcome invasion.
At this rate, Ben was going to need at least two or three minutes.
Jasper sighed, managing a smile. “Take all the time you need,” he
said around a yawn.
Ben smoothed his hand over his mate’s hair, his arms, his back,
and Jasper closed his eyes, his breath evening out. “How much have
you been sleeping?”
Jasper shook his head. “I’m fine. Just working a lot.” He yawned
again.
Ben cuddled against him, closing his eyes. His body pressed
snugly against Jasper’s, and he could feel his scent enveloping him. It
felt good. “You’re pretty cute when you yawn.”
Jasper twisted in his arms, kicking Ben’s leg with his. “I’m not
cute. Fuck off. And I’m not tired.” He yawned again. Ben smirked,
and Jasper’s face reddened.
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105
“You’re cute when you blush, too.” Jasper groaned. “Just go to
bed! You’re obviously exhausted, and it’s a fucking Saturday.”
Jasper sighed, his eyes still closed. “What’ll you do?”
“I’ll be here.”
“Will you be awake?” Jasper’s worried eyes flitted up to meet
Ben’s. His expression turned serious. “Ben…”
“I just want to hold you,” he protested. Jasper pulled himself up
and climbed off the bed, leaving Ben lying behind him. He sat up,
pleading with his mate. “Just five minutes, and then…”
“Do you not remember what happened to Lars and Danny?”
Ben closed his mouth. He remembered. He’d seen each and every
one of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies back in Pierson’s lab, and
the story Danny had told to Ben could have come from right out of
one of them. Only a few days after Ben and Jasper’s shared
nightmare, Danny had woken up from his own bad dream to find Lars
lying on the bed, blood gushing from his throat as if some unseen
monster was trying to tear out his jugular. The scenario had not only
terrified Danny, it had effectively confirmed what Ben already
suspected—that whatever monsters were lurking in his and Jasper’s
shared subconscious could kill them if they weren’t careful.
Ben drew his knees up to his chest, hugging them against his
body. Everything he’d heard, he’d heard from Danny or Lars or Alex.
The supernatural travails of Danny and Lars’s relationship was
common knowledge around the house, but he and Jasper had never
talked about it. They hadn’t talked about anything since the
nightmare, had only gone about the business of systematically
avoiding the ever-growing list of topics that caused one or both them
to flush with anger or guilt or shame. Jasper had poured his every
hope into the pill, hoping it would make things better between them,
but Ben wasn’t so sure more avoidance was what they needed.
“It was because of Pierson, wasn’t it?” Ben asked tentatively.
“That nightmare we had, it was because of what he did to me. And
what you did to him.” Jasper’s brow creased with worry, but he said
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nothing. “Look, obviously we’re both screwed up about it, and we
never talk about it—”
“Fine,” Jasper said, his voice laced with exasperation. “Let’s talk
about it. You can tell me how you felt when I killed Pierson, and I’ll
tell you why I haven’t shifted since it happened. Is that what you want
to do? Is that what you think will make things better between us?”
Ben felt his cheeks burning. That familiar lump of emotion had
swelled up in his throat again, and he was forced to shut his mouth
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