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What you can do to break your nervousness is to, again, identify your
negative thoughts. And then change them.
Instead of thinking, "Oh my God, this chick is going to act like a bitch to
me because I fumble my words"& think, "It's awesome that I'm talking to this girl
I just saw in the store, because even she rejects me, that means I've gotten her
out of the way, and I'm one step closer to finding my dream girl."
When you're nervous, notice the areas in your body where you feel tense,
and then let your muscles relax in those areas. That will automatically cause you
to feel less tense, because on a neurological level, nervousness often follows
muscle tension (rather than the other way around like one would think).
For me, I feel tension in my face and jaw when I'm nervous. So when I
relax my jaw and facial muscles, it tells my mind that it's time to feel relaxed
rather than nervous.
Finally, there's one more way to reduce anxiety that involves a
visualization exercise. Before you even open your mouth to say something to a
woman, visualize the situation as if it has already occurred and she has just
rejected you.
7
Look at it this way. If you don't feel relaxed and sexual, how do you expect the woman to feel
that way?! You as the alpha male must take the lead. That means you must feel relaxed and
sexual, so that the woman will follow.
© 2005 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.
How to Become an Alpha Male by John Alexander
94
That way, you'll feel happy about it because&
" At least you went for it, as an alpha male who goes through life
making no apologies for his desires.
" Each rejection means you're one step closer to success.
" Each rejection makes your conversational ability that much better,
since you've been further desensitized to the whole process.
So concentrate on how you'll feel afterwards, and talk to the woman as if
the rejection has already occurred (and you feel happy for it), rather than making
yourself nervous before you've even opened your mouth.
Ignore The Dating Advice Books!
"You never know, your fears of rejection may be unfounded. She may be
dying for you to make your approach."
That's the sort of advice you find in the "Dating for Idiots" guides you find
in the bookstores. Ignore it it s for beta males.
Such advice is based on the assumption that rejection is something you
should fear. Instead look at it as something to celebrate. Why, you ask?
Because it means you made your approach and went for it!
Think about it: if you went away for a year and came back to find out your
favorite college basketball team made the NCAA Final Two, then lost, would you
feel let down, or proud they d had the guts to go for it and make it that far?
That s what I mean!
And have no illusions about this unlike what the "Dating for Idiots" books
say, you will get rejected, and it will happen a lot.
View your interactions with women with the 80/20 rule that businessmen
use i.e., just as 80% of your profits come from 20% of your customers, 80% of
your pleasure will come from 20% of the chicks you interact with.
The most profitable businesses are those that focus on the top 20% of
customers. They're more than happy to forget about the unprofitable 80% and let
those people go to their competitors.
It should be the same thing with women. Don't even think about the ones
you can't derive pleasure from. Let the other guys worry about them.
© 2005 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.
How to Become an Alpha Male by John Alexander
95
But What if a Woman Does Reject You, and it Really
Hurts& Bad?
No matter how bad you get rejected, do not allow it to phase your reality.
There's no reason to feel bad. Remember, your manly desires are totally natural
and normal. An alpha male never feels ashamed for his high sex drive. Instead,
if anything, he feels proud for having gone for it.
I know sometimes rejections can be painful. I've had evil rejections by
women before. One chick screamed, "Go away!" at me before I could even get
out my initial sentence.
Another time a woman got some guy to try to start a fight with me just
because I tried to talk with her. I managed to get away without coming to blows
with the dude, but I felt like a total chump afterwards.
There's nothing you can do about rejection. If you're out in the field
chatting with women, they will happen. But almost all of the time, as I've
explained, they're something to celebrate.
But in those cases where the rejection is so hideous it burns a hole in your
heart, the best thing to do is to allow the memory of the rejection to vanish.
That's what I do, and it's worked for me. In fact, I've probably been
rejected worse than the two examples I gave, but the memories of those are
quite literally gone from my mind. I'll explain how you can do this exercise
yourself.
I learned this memory-vanish exercise from Tony Robbins, and it's based
on the mental visualization principles from Neuro Linguistic Programming, a form
of hypnosis. Here's what you do.
1. Make a picture in your mind of the horrible rejection.
2. Make that picture as big as possible and bring it close to you. Feel
the burn of the rejection. Make it intense.
3. Now start moving the picture away from you.
4. As it's moving away from you, make it black and white.
5. Keep moving it, until it's so far away that it's just a tiny speck.
6. Now watch the tiny black and white image start pulsating to circus
music.
7. As the tiny, far-away image moves in rhythm with the carnival
tunes, have it now move so far away that it burns up in the sun.
No longer is the memory such a big deal, is it?
© 2005 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.
How to Become an Alpha Male by John Alexander
96
Why Improve Yourself?
Making a determined effort to improve yourself can have enduring benefits
no matter what the final outcome. Consider my own example: I still am more
introverted sometimes than I d like to be, yet on the whole, I have far greater
social skills than I used to. I m not 100% where I want to be yet, but I m still a
helluva lot better than I was.
So remember this: even if you make great strides overall, yet fall
short, you will still be a better and happier man than if you had never
attempted anything at all.
© 2005 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.
How to Become an Alpha Male by John Alexander
97
Using the Body Language of an Alpha Male
Watch a man with high status--Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or the CEO
where you work--and you ll notice that they move differently than the rest of us.
They give off vibes that they are hot stuff, and because of that, women get
soaking wet over them.
You, too, can create that aura that makes you attractive to women.
Have you ever noticed the way your friends look when they feel like shit?
They re looking down at the ground with their arms crossed, slouching, and
giving off other non-alpha behaviors.
Now, think about successful guys. They ve got girls all over them and
some great body language going on.
Here are some body language pointers (and by the way, if you think
they're easy, you're right... you can make these changes as early as tonight and
have even the hottest girls clamoring for your attention):
1) Relax. This is the most important mental state for you to be in.
a) Don t allow yourself to feel worried.
Just let your worries go, since you can t solve any problem by
worrying. So suck it up, and quit thinking about what might go
wrong. Just live life.
Now, I know what I just said is easier said than done (to use an
old but relevant in this case cliché). You've spent your whole life
up until now dwelling on thoughts that make you feel worried.
But what is this emotion we call "worry"? When you think about it,
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