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attention away from the feelings of the moment. The exercises of the next
chapter may not start very sexually, but I hope you can see how essential they
are to your success.
More importantly, though, most of us who cum too quickly aren't real great at
recognizing the internal signals that could warn of us impending ejaculation. If
you learn to register every little nuance of every little feeling, going slowly and
digesting all their energy, then you're less likely to trip over the point of no
return. When you're enjoying every breath, sound, and movement, you'll be
supremely conscious of your own level of excitement. And you'll be able to
respond to that excitement before it becomes too hard to manage, pushing you
over the cliff into a squirting plunge down the chasm.
How can you manage your energy flows if you're not completely tuned in to
them? You can't. Make it your mission to focus on your feelings. Being
present to the moment is one of the four vital cornerstones of Tantric energy
mastery and it directly impacts your ability to relax. So heighten your senses,
feel your feelings, enjoy your pleasure with no agenda, and you'll gradually
learn to stay out of your head and into your body.
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By the way, due to tension and social pressure, many of us find ourselves
partying with recreational drugs and alcohol. Again I don't intend to moralize,
let's just be pragmatic. Although some believe that drugs and alcohol can slow
your ejaculatory response, they'll also keep you from developing the body
awareness that will allow you to change your lovemaking stamina permanently.
Getting high may feel good temporarily, but it makes it much harder to master
ejaculatory timing. Thinking about other things - like football or your latest
weekend project - can be counterproductive too, for the same reason. More
awareness is the prescription for more manageable pleasure, not less.
M = Measure Your Level Of Arousal
By now you've heard again and again you have to tune in to your senses and
sensations. So what do you do with this sharpened awareness? The M in
RAMPER means to monitor and measure your level of arousal. This is not just
a scientific experiment, but a method of making you more sensitive to what
makes you excited. If you know where your excitement level is and what
causes it, then you can play spontaneously while stretching out your
enjoyment and your partners'. Then you can take responsibility for your own
pleasure, guiding your lovemaking so that you get really turned on and stay
there without going too far all of a sudden.
Arousal awareness is complex with lots of subtlety. It's more like a rainbow
than black and white. The forces that turn us on aren't always obvious in the
moment, and change from time to time. So the M step is all about learning to
read yourself so you can know where you're at now precisely.
Many sex therapists recommend using a 10-point scale for monitoring your
level of arousal during practice and sex play. This is one of the main things
we'll be focusing on in the coming exercises. (By the way, level of arousal may
not correspond to the strength of your erection at any given moment. Have you
ever cum while soft? I have.) Here's my version of the scale...
0 = no arousal
1 = twinge at base of penis
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2 = occasional little surges of pleasure
3 = starting to feel good
4 = steady hum low level arousal
5 = feeling really good, metabolism increases
6 = really into it, don't want to stop
7 = continuous rush of pleasure, fast breathing
8 = buzzing inside, face flushed, heart pounding
9 = intense pleasure, outside world is far away
9.9 = point of no return, emission phase begins
10 = ejaculation (expulsion phase)
As you practice, you'll learn to measure your level of arousal as it climbs
towards 9.9, the point of no return. You know the feeling of time stopping, like
the movie clip that suddenly goes into slow motion as you watch the car careen
over the cliff? You've been enjoying yourself immensely and maybe even feeling
far from squirting when all of a sudden you feel those involuntary contractions
around your prostate and you know you're gonna cum. That's the often
uninvited guest, 9.9, buddy.
A major part of self-monitoring during your individual practices will be learning
how close you can go to 9.9 without squirting. This is a tough thing to accept,
guys, but you're going to have to play with yourself over and over again as you
learn this system. Bummer! By the way, us evolved Tantrikas don't refer to
such divine play as masturbation, which has hidden and dirty connotations.
We call it self-pleasuring, which is a wonderful and sacred thing. If you don't
already, you're going to have to learn to enjoy giving yourself pleasure. Sorry,
doctor's orders.
P = Pace Yourself
OK, you've relaxed. You've become more sensitive. You've measured how good
it feels. Will these change your stamina dramatically? Well, maybe. But really
the RAM part of RAMPER is simply vital preparation for the P step. P stands
for pacing yourself.
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No, I take that back. P stands for Pleasure. If your focus is on pleasure not
orgasm, then you won't be rushing headlong towards a destination. You won't
be in a race towards the finish line. You won't have a schedule to meet. You'll
just slow down and enjoy. That's a big part of pacing. And if you learn how to
make the pleasure you enjoy greater than any quick dribble you've ever
experienced, you'll want to pace yourself for more, More, and MORE!
We'll talk later about partners who get so excited that they don't let you pace
yourself. Sure, that happens and in their rush to orgasm they'll drag you over
the precipice. And if you both cum together like Jeffre and I do sometimes,
wonderful! But when push comes to shove, what most lovers really want is for
you to go all night. So eventually, with the right kind of guidance, they'll listen
to reason. I'll show you later how to solicit their ecstatic participation.
The Ultimate Ecstatic Solution is all about learning to ride the edge, that fine
line between absorbing all the pleasure you can take, and taking too much all
at once and cuming. Like I mentioned before, you'll rarely hear me talk about
control for this reason. Control makes you tight, tense, and rigid, the opposite
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